Friday, July 11, 2008

Men, sizing matters

Again, a do's and don'ts of workplace fashion focused strongly on (young) women. Complete with slide show including cleavage. Ok, I agree that people could dress a little more professionally. (Not that I will, but you know about advice: love to give it, don't follow it.) But I hate how most of this advice is focused on women. Men, too, take liberties with the dress code: it just happens that their faux pas usually have to do with improper sizing while they are still within the dress code confines. How about these:
  • The fuzzy-bear belly. Yes, men with muffin tops and popped buttons showing up for work. Or growing increasingly deshabille as the day goes on. These are the guys who aren't allowed to be skins on the court.
  • Chafe-y underwear so they're always rearranging their clappers. Or that scissors move when they slouch down in the chair and think no one is watching. YUCK. Just buy some knickers that fit already.
  • Tight clothing.You need a size thirty-six waist. You are not the same size you were in college, get over it.
  • Overhanging gut that ate the belt. Steve McQueen is looking for you and he has a fire extinguisher.
  • No waist man. Pants hiked up to the armpits and scary camel toe. If your nipples are that cold, put on a sweater.
  • I don't want to see your ankles. Ever. Your legs have stopped growing, just measure and commit. (That Nicolas Sarkozy thing was an April Fool's Day joke.)
  • Plumber's crack. Need I say more?
Clearly, if you actually listened to the adage, measure twice, cut once, we'd have some better dressed men and perfectly fitted baseboards. Beyond sizing, but purely fashion stricken
  • Track pants. Jay Z wants you to get out of his closet.
  • Ungroomed facial hair. Yes, you, the one that ate that soup for lunch. Or was it yesterday's lunch?
  • Men wear flip-flops, too. A far greater crime: brown sandals with black socks. Or mismatched tube socks. So shut up about it.
Feel the love? Now you know why women hate fashion do's and don'ts.

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